«Funny»

A cigarette is a pipe with a fire at one end and a fool at the other.

Author Unknown

I’ve been smoking nearly 50 years now. I just don’t feel safe breathing anything I can’t see!

Dave Beard

If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action. Douglas Adams

I’m glad I don’t have to explain to a man from Mars why each day I set fire to dozens of little pieces of paper, and put them in my mouth.

(The Second Neurotic’s Notebook, 1966)

Mignon McLaughlin

Nicotine patches are great. Stick one over each eye and you can’t find your cigarettes. Author Unknown

Thank heaven, I have given up smoking again!... God! I feel fit. Homicidal, but fit. A different man. Irritable, moody, depressed, rude, nervy, perhaps; but the lungs are fine.

A.P. Herbert

The best way to stop smoking is to carry wet matches.

Author Unknown

Thank you for Not Smoking. Cigarette smoke is the residue of your pleasure. It contaminates the air, pollutes my hair and clothes, not to mention my lungs. This takes place without my consent. I have a pleasure, also. I like a beer now and then. The residue of my pleasure is urine. Would you be annoyed if I stood on a chair and pissed on your head and your clothes without your consent?

Sign from Ken’s Magic Shop

The cigarette does the smoking — you’re just the sucker.

Author Unknown